My Son and The Music Man

Lately, life has been extremely busy and stressful.  I've had a few anxiety attacks in the last couple of weeks.  What with the doctor's appointments, the start of school, being buried under mounds of stuff, and trying to keep up with dance classes, boy and cub scouting, CAP, CWV, Kof C, etc., etc., etc., the stress is culminating in lack of sleep, stomach aches, forgetfulness, and higher blood pressure.

Tonight, however, I had a pleasant evening with my 15 year old son.  He wants to be an actor.  He is presently in competitive acting class at school, although he's already learned an adult lesson--sometimes even what you enjoy can become work.  He doesn't enjoy competitive drama as much as he loved his drama one class last year.  It was more like playing last year.  It is more like work this.  So, when my girlfriend couldn't go to the theater with me this evening, I took my son. 

Patrick Cassidy and Shirley Jones in The Music Man in Concert

What an enjoyable experience.  My son is a genuinely fun person to be around.  He is witty and fun, kind and good-natured.  We went to see The Music Man in Concert.  It stars Shirley Jones and her son, Patrick Cassidy.  If anyone reading this loves musical theater or movies and this comes to your town, go see it! 

My son had never been to the Oklahoma City Civic Center before.  He took in the experience like a true aspiring actor.  He studied the theater.  He enjoyed getting a treat (and sneaking it into the theater).  He enjoyed the wonderful seats we had.  Having grown up on musicals and being the same age as Patrick Cassidy, I had a whole different perspective on the concert.  But, my son's fresh eyes on The Music Man (he'd seen Matthew Broderick's movie version), enjoyed the songs very much.  His favorite song from the musical is Shapoopi.  What teenage boy's wouldn't be?  What teenage boy nowadays knows that song?  Sometimes having older parents can be an advantage.

Musical theater doesn't have the same impact it once had, but it sure can make for a nice break in a stressful world.  And, give a too-busy mom an opportunity to slow down and enjoy being with her son.  God has truly blessed me.

Innocents--The Kingdom of Heaven Belongs to These

Carl Bloch

"MYTH NUMBER FOUR: If an Annulment is Granted the Children will be Illegitimate"

"The truth is that an ecclesiastical annulment is concerned only with the spouses, and not the children. An annulment has no effect at all on the legitimacy of children, or other arrangements regarding children, such as custody or support. These are all concerns of the civil law, and an ecclesiastical annulment has absolutely no effects under civil law. It is a myth that granting an annulment makes the children illegitimate."   
http://www.hbgdiocese.org/Admin/Uploads/Tribunal%20&%20Annulments/Documents/12_m\yths.pdf

Why is it that anti-Catholics are so angry and bitter that they must bring children into the argument?  After all, Jesus did say, "Suffer not the children to come unto Me."  Why?  Because He would hold them responsible for their parents guilt?  I don't think so.  In fact, He performed many of His miracles just to prove this erroneous notion, held by many Jews, wrong.  Why else would He say, "Your sins are forgiven" to the lame man who then walked.  Being born crippled or blind was seen as punishment for the parents' sins.  Jesus proved that wrong.

"Canon 1137 Children who are conceived or born of a valid or of a putative marriage are legitimate."  http://www.catholicdoors.com/misc/marriage/canonlaw.htm

Now if children are born to parents who later decide that marriage was a mistake--whether their marriage was annulled and/or they divorced--the children are not to blame.  Not only is the notion that these children are illegitimate ridiculous, it flies in the face of Jesus' love and compassion for all children.  No child is considered illegitimate by His Church.  They are children of God on equal ground with you and me, as they should be. 

"Does annulment make our children illegitimate?"

"No — children of a marriage that's determined to be invalid by a Catholic annulment, are still legitimate. (Code of Canon Law, canon 1137)  When a couple marries, they assume the marriage is valid and was entered into in  good faith. Children conceived under this assumption of a valid marriage, are considered to be legitimate.  This fact does not change even if the marriage is later found to be not valid."

"In the United States, Catholic annulment does not affect any state civil laws.  It is unrelated to civil concerns such as illegitimacy, child custody, alimony, visitation rights, or division of property."  http://www.beginningcatholic.com/catholic-annulment.html

Maybe people in the church had a different idea about this at one time, but that is not true any more.  I believe we have a better perspective on Christ's love and compassion for humans and their frailty.  We should not be so hard on our fellow Christians.  Gone are the days of making children feel ashamed because their parents didn't or wouldn't do the right thing.

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15 People even brought babies to him, for him to touch them; but when the disciples saw this they scolded them.

16 But Jesus called the children to him and said, 'Let the little children come to me, and do not stop them; for it is to such as these that the kingdom of God belongs.

17 In truth I tell you, anyone who does not welcome the kingdom of God like a little child will never enter it.'  Luke 18:15-17

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13 Then people brought little children to him, for him to lay his hands on them and pray. The disciples scolded them,

14 but Jesus said, 'Let the little children alone, and do not stop them from coming to me; for it is to such as these that the kingdom of Heaven belongs.'

15 Then he laid his hands on them and went on his way.  Matt. 19:13-15

Don't Ever Assume



The Sign of the Cross

One of the things Fr. F. criticized our First Penance students on was their Sign of the Cross.  Many forgot to say it at the beginning of Penance and most did not know to cross themselves when he blessed them with this prayer.  Today we worked on drilling them in this.  I know the children who were in my First Sacraments class for the first half of the year went over their prayers, including the Sign of the Cross every Sunday.  There is only so much an R.E. Catechist can do in one hour on a relatively few Sundays of their lives.  Now, the second half of the year we've been joined by the second grade class from the parish school.  Shouldn't one expect that they have been taught the proper way to say Catholic prayers in Catholic school?  Apparently not.  They at least have more of an opportunity at school, having them over 6 hours a day, five days a week.  But, the biggest question is--Why aren't the parents doing this at home?  I don't get it.  Maybe I'm in the minority of parents who actually feel responsible for their own children's souls.

Today we rehearsed the reception of Holy Communion.  It was a slow process.  We took about half the class time lining them up putting them through their paces and accessing what we need to do to get them ready in a couple of months.  But, like I said, there is only some much I can do in the next six Sundays.  The biggest disappointment about practicing is that 7 of my students weren't even there.  So, when we practice next week we'll have to start from scratch with them.  This is not a game.  This is life--eternal life we are dealing with at church. 

Advice to parents:  If you can't be bothered to work with them at home, at least have them at the classroom door on time.  Every minute counts if you're going to lay all the responsibility for your child's soul on my shoulders.  And don't forget to be on time to Mass; that is even more important. 

Here is a very good Catholic article on the Sign of the Cross:  http://www.fisheaters.com/sign.html

Altar Girls and other Liturgical Nonsense

Wow!  What a weird couple of days.  A friend of mine commented on teaching her children what a valid Mass consists of.  I could not believe some of the comments.  She is, apparently, a judgemental, heartless, narrow-minded pharisee.  Well, if she is, I am worse.  I not only agree with every thing she said but I, too, am teaching my kids to approach the Eucharist, and the Mass, with reverence.  I am worse because I am taking over the First Communion/First Reconciliation class next year...woo ha ha ha ha.  I may be teaching your kids...gulp...reverence.

I started out to comment on a grievous incident that happened at Church but I could not get onto "Blogger" this morning.  So, I'll get to my diatribe on altar girls now...Altar girls are wrong.  Yes, it's my opinion.  However, it is an opinion shared by many--even women--in the Church.

I know, I know, for some unknown reason the American branch of the Church decided that being an altar boy had nothing to do with the call to the priesthood.  I can give you several reasons why those liberal bishops and their feminazi friends are wrong--the altar girl in line behind me yesterday at our monthly Knights of Columbus breakfast.  Her dad and a couple of other (male nonetheless) parishioners told her how "great" she looked serving at the altar and that she would make a great priest.  "Too bad the Church doesn't have women priests."  "What churches do again?"  "Presbyterian?"  "Episcopalian?"  This in a CATHOLIC Church????!!!! 

But, no, serving at the altar has no bearing on the call to priesthood, right?  The lady in front of me thanked the girl 'priest' behind me for serving for her son, who doesn't want to serve anymore.  She said, "It must be a [high school] junior thing."  NO!! It is a GIRL thing.  Boys simply do not want to do something once it becomes a girl thing.  Why don't you see many boys named Laurie, or Kim, or Jamey anymore?  Because they are now girl names.  BTW, you do know that Bambi was a stag, right???  Boys do not want to serve any more once it becomes a girls' job.  Teenage boys either don't want to do a girl's job or they become attracted to the teenage girls serving at the altar with them.  Either way, the Church loses.

Fr. T. came to our church 2 Sundays ago.  He gave us a message about giving our sons to God.  His church closed its doors permanently this past Sunday because of the lack of priests in this diocese.  The biggest obstacle to the call to the priesthood is the parents, he said.  They want grand kids, not priests in the family.  Fr. T. said he has baptized over 140 kids.  Is that enough grand kids???  I would say so.  Give your sons to God and let them, not your daughters, serve at the altar.  Let them experience altar serving as a boy and as a boy's job.  That way they get a tiny glimpse of what the life of a priest is like.  There are alternatives for girls and women to serve the Church.  After all, Mary did not preach the Gospel the same way as John.  However, who has the higher place of honor?  [Hint:  The Mother of God, AKA the Queen of Heaven]

After writing this far, I did read this which contained some of the very things I just stated. 
"The 1994 letter [from the Congregation for Divine Worship and the Sacraments] states: "It will always be very appropriate to follow the noble tradition of having boys serve at the altar. As is well known, this has led to a reassuring development of priestly vocations. Thus the obligation to support such groups of altar boys will always continue."

and:
     "Therefore the Holy See's recommendation is to retain as far as possible the custom of having only boys as servers. But it leaves to the bishop the choice of permitting women and girls for a good reason and to the pastor of each parish the decision as to whether to act on the bishop's permission.

     "It is important not to focus this debate using political categories such as rights, equality, discrimination, etc., which only serves to fog the issue. We are dealing with the privilege of serving in an act of worship to which nobody has any inherent rights."

and:
     "Among the pastoral factors to be weighed is the obvious yet often forgotten fact that boys and girls are different and require different motivational and formative methods.

     "This difference means that both boys and girls usually go through a stage when they tend to avoid common activities."

      "Preteen boys in particular are very attracted to activities that cater especially for them, and they tend to reject sharing activities with girls."
   "They also tend to have a greater need for such structured activities than girls who are usually more mature and responsible at this stage of life.

     As a result, some parishes have found that the introduction of girl servers has led to a sharp drop-off of boys offering to serve. Once the boys have left and enter the years of puberty, it is difficult to bring them back.

     "Some pastors say this phenomenon is less marked where serving at Mass forms part of a wider Catholic structure, such as a school, or when siblings serve together.

     "It is also true that groups of boy servers have fostered vocations to the priesthood. But to be fair, this usually happens within a broader culture of openness to a vocation in which other elements come into play, such as the example and spiritual guidance given by good priests, and family support.

      "If, for example, a long-established program of boy servers has proved successful in promoting vocations or has been useful in helping boys avoid bad company and maintain the state of grace, then the good of souls obliges pastors to weigh heavily the spiritual risks involved in abandoning it."

     "When girls do serve, it is probably best to aim for a mixture of boys and girls — if only to avoid giving the impression to the congregation that Catholicism is above all a female activity...."

Despite what our society wants, we need to let our boys be boys.  We need to let certain activities be BOY activities.  Once we lose the boys, it is difficult to bring them back.  Why do people think so many of our priests today, did not become priests until later in life?  I believe one problem is that we make altar service a girl's job.  Boys don't want to be girls.  My son didn't even want to be seen buying Dove soap for his face.  It was too embarrassing.  He thought it made him look girly.  If he feels that way about soap, what do you think he is going to feel about being told what to do by a girl at the altar?  Altar boys should be allowed to be boys and hear the call to the priesthood without distraction.

Some other articles on Altar girls can be read here, here, here, and here.

Ode to BJ

Yesterday was an especially hard day for me and my oldest (aged 15).  He is a wonderful kid with a heart of gold.  I don't think I say thank you enough, hug him enough, or tell him how great he is enough. 

    This guy is definitely not your typical teenager.  He has been my Den Chief for the last three years (Bears, and two years of Webelos) when no other adult in the Pack was willing to be the Den leader, let alone an assistant.  Since according to Boy Scout rules, I, as a leader, could not be with the boys by myself, my brilliant son stepped up to the plate at 13.  For the last two years he has been an 1st grade RE assistant, working for me.  He is wonderful with the kids.  He lead them in singing, praying, and games at the beginning of class.   He has won a prize (honorable mention the first year, a silver, and 3 golds) every year at the district history day fair for the past 5 years.  He has won a bronze twice in the last 3 years at the state contest (one was this year).  He is an altar boy at Church and volunteers readily for special events and last minute fill-ins (it helps that we live 4 blocks from church, but they wouldn't call if he couldn't be relied on).  He is an active member of the High School youth group and always volunteers when they need help.  Just the other day, he helped set up, serve food, and clean up for our Golden Angels group's (over 55 crowd) mother's day 'banquet' hosted by the youth group.  This year he was confirmed under the patronage of St. Florian.  What a proud moment that was for me and the rest of the family.

    He is not typical in that he doesn't throw fits or fight all the time with his parents.  He doesn't get into trouble with the "wrong" crowd.  He doesn't experiment with cigarettes, drugs, or alcohol--he is a type 1 diabetic, so those things would be life threatening anyway.  However, he does get into moody times that can be quite dark.  If he were a "typical" teenager, I'm afraid he might have come to some harm by his own hand.  All he dwells on is what has happened to him that is negative.   The one year he spent in a "Catholic" school he was bullied (by at least 3 guys), made fun of because he was hit in the face with a basketball and cried, ridiculed by one of his teachers on at least one occassion, and finely "talked to" because of the one time he stood up to a bully and punched him (in the arm).  He dwells on the fact that because he is diabetic (type 1--which has absolutely nothing to do with diet or weight) people treat him "like a baby."  At resident Boy Scout camp, the 'cook' would not let him have seconds, he was never allowed soda, except diet, desserts, or ice cream with the rest of the boys.  Typically, he is not allowed sodas when he is out with the scouts or youth group when they stop for snacks.  He is almost always left out when it comes to "treats" of any kind.  It's not as if he, the self-proclaimed history geek, doesn't already feel different.  He really doesn't need the help of the adults or kids around him to make him feel worse.

    Through homeschooling and more outside experiences, I had hoped to give him a more positive outlook and more positive 'self-esteem.'  I apologize to him and to God for my failures in this area.  You see, I have been feeling the financial pressures, the responsibilities of being the bill payer, the housemaid, the caregiver, and the teacher of five kids and becoming a depressed, negative person.  I need to do some "taming" just like a friend of my said on her blog.  Right now I am working hard on changing that negativity.  I plan to streamline the junk in my house.  Get my school reports in ASAP.  Hug on my kids a lot more!  And, tell my teenager how wonderful he is and how proud I am of him at least once a day from now on. 

Know what he did today?  He was an altar boy for a funeral.  He had to go without breakfast (his blood glucose was too high) but didn't complain a bit.  Boy am I proud of that boy who is as tall as the priest, and just as handsome as an fairy tale prince.  He is brave, loving, responsible, strong, and worthy of trust.  I have been truly blest.