My best friend

It has been a very long time since I had a real best girlfriend.  A girlfriend I could talk to on the phone for hours at a time.  Someone who understood how I felt and would let me talk about anything and everything until I was all talked out.

My sister was my best friend growing up.  We talked all the time.  We fought as sisters do and we'd make up.  Nothing could separate us.  That is, until she got married.  Then most of the time she was so wrapped up in the day to day of an 18 year old trying to take care of a tiny apartment, and being pregnant that she hardly had time for me.  As things became more routine, we eventually got our best friend groove back.  Then I joined the Air Force.  For the first few months, I was not able to talk to my best friend very often.  I had very few chances to call home during training and she was busy with her second child.  But, after I got stationed at Andrews Air Force Base near Washington, DC, we were able to talk more.  We would talk an hour or more once or twice a week.  It was nice to have a best friend.  That seemed to change when her marriage fell apart.  Apparently, I could not sympathize in the right way or say the right words.  So, the calls became less frequent.  She visited me once, after I was married and pregnant with my first child.  She was divorced and seeing a muslim immigrant.  Later she married a friend's cousin from Pakistan.  She resented the fact that I would not come to her wedding in Pakistan.  At that time I was living in Germany, had two toddlers and I was not about to go to a third world country on my own or with two little ones and endanger our health.  When I was pregnant with my fourth child (and only daughter), she got angry at me on the phone.  Later I found out that her (second) husband didn't like her talking to me on the phone when he was home.  He felt that we were conspiring against him.  And, because I didn't know about or help her out of her abusive situation, she seems to have blamed me for it.  She later left the abusive SOB with the help of another friend.  I didn't know why she wouldn't talk to me until years later.  Since then, she has remarried her first husband but only spoken to me a handful of times.  Our best friend phone calls ceased 14 years ago and have never resumed.  I rarely get so much as a Christmas card.  It is a hole in my heart and life that can never be filled.  Although she said she's forgiven me (for what I am still not sure), she still doesn't speak to me unless we happen to be in the same place which doesn't happen very often.

So, I've tried to forge friendships with women around me.  I thought I had a friend in when we lived in Germany.  She was an officer's wife however and made it quite clear that enlisted wives were beneath her.  We went on a tour of Belgium together, with my two oldest sons (toddlers at the time) in tow.  While she enjoyed having the company, she made it clear that I was not only not her first choice but that I was actually a burden on the trip.  The purpose of the trip was to scout locations for a wives club (which was combined enlisted and officers wives at the time--that changed later) outing.  So, no we did not get close.  Oh, but Belgium is where I discovered the saint that would become my patroness, St. Walburga.  It was the first time I ever saw a woman saint depicted with a bishop's crook in her hand.  I later found out that Abbots are considered of the same rank as bishops and are often depicted with bishop's crooks.  St. Walburga was a physician, and abbess who later took over the whole abbey of men and women when her brother, the abbot died.  I took her as my confirmation Saint when I became a Catholic at Easter, 1998.

Since I was older than most mothers who had children the same age as mine, I usually had little in common with them.  Women my age have teenage or adult children, so they don't want to be around someone with young children.  In Texas, our parish had a wonderful women's group that had women of every age and situation.  It was great to be a part of a group at least, even if I could not find a close friend among them.  By then I had four children and, believe it or not, that was unusual even in a Catholic parish.  The support and friendship I felt there was wonderful, but I was sorely disappointed when we came to Oklahoma.  The parish here has no women's group and when I asked if we could have one, people looked at me as if I had two heads and asked why would we need such a group.  So, no women's group.

When I decided to home school, that made me even weirder.  Catholic homeschooling came out of the Protestant homeschooling movement which had been going on for decades before Catholics started doing it in large numbers.  However, when you are in a town (in Texas, mind you) where there is one Catholic Church in town and one on the outskirts of town, no Catholic schools at all, and you are one of the few white families (our parish was about 60% Hispanic, 30% Filipino, and 10% white--this is my estimation) it is very difficult decision on what to do about education.  However, there are schools such as Seton (since 1980) and Kolbe Academy Home schools that are Catholic and help you give your kids a good Catholic education.  I joined the on base home school support group.  They were very nice ladies, but they made it abundantly clear that Catholics weren't welcome to many of their activities.  The librarian there was great; she supported all home school mothers.  She would ask the group every year what books to order to help them.  She would fit as many of the books on our wish list as she could in her budget.  However, none of these women were going to be a close friend.

Here in Oklahoma, I've tried, too.  I even thought I had a friend who had children the same age as me.  As we got to know each other, I thought we were good friends but, like all the "girlfriends" I've had before, she was younger and had already established friendships.   I was invited over for group things but rarely did we do things together.  The first time she hurt my feelings, I tried my best to just take it and never let her know.  I think I was successful because I believe to this day she doesn't know how her actions hurt me when she picked another "friend" over me.  I tried not to let it make me bitter but in some ways it has.  I would write more about the hurts and disappointments over the years but I believe she reads my blog, so I will end it here.  I am trying to let it go and just be friendly when we see each other.  

I have one friend now with whom I talk on occasion, but it is the same thing.  Her two kids are grown and I am still raising mine.  So, we have lunch together.  Sometimes we go to a play or musical together.  The last time we went out we saw "Sister Act" on stage.  It was fun and funny.  I had a good time.  But, still not best friend fun.  I can't call her and talk for an hour on the phone and bear all to her.  I enjoy her company but it is not the same as my best friend/sister that I miss so very much.

As I go through my cancer treatment, I feel very much alone.  I have no best girlfriend.  I have no one to talk to until I'm done talking.  That best friend is gone and I feel alone.  I do have a "cancer buddy", as my daughter has named her, with whom I am talk sometimes.  She went through something similar to me in the Fall.  However, she's pretty much done and my journey goes on.  But, we only talk here and there.  It is usually an hour at a time but only about once every other week or so.

My mother has been my rock.  She stayed in the hospital with me both times and kept me company.  She lets me blather on the phone and get things off my chest.  I feel bad sometimes though because she has an ailing mother (my grandmother is 90 next month) and a daughter going through cancer treatment.  She's kind of sandwiched in between.  She's been wonderful.  I guess my mom is the best friend I can have for now.  While there are things I cannot tell her, I can tell her a lot.  God bless moms!  

Cancer and all that Goes with it--Again

St. Agatha prayer card

Note: This was written in May.  I have had another mastectomy since.  I will write on that soon.

Well, It looks like I get to go through the whole nightmare, again.  Yes, I should have had my other breast rechecked at the time.  Yes, I probably should have insisted on a double mastectomy.  But, I did not want to have healthy tissue removed.  I was taking tamoxifen.  That was supposed to block the hormone receptors in the cancer cells.  Apparently, it didn't work.


Last week I had a biopsy. The doctor had me go through yet another mammogram.  Afterward, I noticed that the technician had a mammo on the light box.  However, it was the pictures taken in August, not the one I had done in April.  So, if they are working off my old one, why didn't they biopsy my right side then?  Wow, it could have saved me a whole six months of anxiety, wondering, and pain.  However, if the biopsy comes out positive, I may save myself a trip to the OR. I put off my reconstruction for this and may be able to have it done at the same time as my second mastectomy.  Now, I just have to wait a couple of days for the results and the decision on surgery.

As small as our community is at church and civic groups, I find it interesting that people I'm acquainted with don't know about my mastectomy.  I thought that rumor would go around like wild fire.  I am amazed and pleased at the same time that my life is not grist for the rumor mill.  But I also notice that when people do find out about it, they seem to expect me to look like an Amazon warrior--you know, the mythical female warriors who had one breast cut off to make bow and arrow easier to use in battle.  I had a simple mastectomy of one breast.  The surgeon removed all the breast tissue.  He lifted the muscle off the rib cage, inserted an expander, and sewed the skin back together.  I feel very self conscious in tight clothes because to me it looks very odd.  My daughter says no one else notices the odd shape of my left breast or that it has changed its shape and size over the last six months.  It still makes me feel strange, especially the sleepy flesh feel of it.  It is not me but it is what I have to live with now.  My husband is understanding and says he is okay with the artificiality and ugliness of it.  It is one of those strange things you never really thought you'd be talking to your husband about when you were a girl.

So, my cancer odyssey has begun again.  Hopefully, if I do have another mastectomy, I won't have to worry about cancer again.  But, you never know.  I had no risk factors for breast cancer (except, as my good friend Paddy says, I have breasts and I'm  a woman. 

Gardisil -- The Poisoning of our girls

I am not one of those stereo typed homeschoolers who doesn't believe in immunizing my children.  Yes, we need to be careful of the source of the vaccine.  Yes, we have to look at the research and side effects.  And yes, that is why I will NOT let them inject my daughter with gardisil.  From what I've read, the vaccine was not tested on anyone under 18, not tested on what it does to the woman/girl's body in the long term, and it was not safety tested concerning women's reproductive organs.

A recent article on LifeSiteNews.com about a British Medical Journal report backs up my suspicions about this vaccine.

"The manufacturer of Gardasil, has no supporting information on the effects of the vaccine on ovaries, suggesting that Merck had either done no safety testing on Gardasil in relation to its effects on women's reproductive systems, or had suppressed the information."

The vaccine was found to be the cause in premature menopause in a 16-year old, Australian girl.

"Gardasil has been controversial from the beginning," noted Steven Mosher of the Population Research Institute.

But, we've been told that we WILL vaccinate our girls as young as 10 years old.  I have been vigilant in not allowing my 12 year old to receive this vaccine, but I am sure some overzealous shot clinic person may try to get it past me.  I had an experience when I was pregnant with my second child.  They gave the live chicken pox virus to my first child.  When I found out, I was livid.  I was pregnant! and obviously so.  Not only did I not know there even was a chicken pox virus vaccination (we just got the chicken pox, and liked it) but they endangered my unborn son without my knowledge, until it was too late.  Their answer was that it was on the shot record they gave me--forgive me if I didn't know what varicella means.  Now I know.  I have been much, much more vigilant ever since.  I will never allow my daughter to be given that shot.  If she chooses to have it after she is 18, that is up to her, but I am not going to destroy her life as a government guinea pig.

"In the case of the Australian girl the effect is irreversible. She has lost an integral part of her womanhood, while still but a child,” he said. “Women deserve better."

It is a shame on our society, that in the name of sexual "freedom" we are killing our future generations.  This is one known case.  How many more are there out there?  I bet we won't hear about it anytime soon--not until there are hundreds or thousands of young women who are either sterile or otherwise adversely affected, permanently.  There should be outrage.  There should be protests.  But, as long as we follow the politically correct (though majorly erroneous) course of supposedly keeping a small percentage of them from getting rare (in young women) cervical cancer, it's okay if some of them become infertile--they're only girls, what does it matter?

Just more proof that "women's lib" continues to destroy women's lives. 

Oral Deception

Legatus Magazine published an article on the detrimental health risks associated with taking birth control pills.  The article, "Oral Deception," by Sabrina Arena Ferrisi  tells how the occurrence of breast cancer is on the rise because of oral contraception.  While women in droves stopped taking hormone replacement therapy in the wake of studies which showed a link to much higher risk of breast cancer, the media and doctors ignored the fact that birth control pills have the same hormones in even higher concentrations.  Breast cancer incidents in women over 50 have begun to drop (11% according to Ferrisi), but breast cancer in women under 50 is alarmingly on the rise because of the long term use of oral contraceptives.  These women have no idea that they are doing this to their bodies and the media refuses to make it an issue because it isn't politically correct. 

I've written about the detrimental health effects in debate on more than one occasion in debate.  The effects of the pill are why I do not support Susan G. Komen.  That cancer research organization teams up with the deceptive, conniving Planned Parenthood.  Planned Parenthood is the leader in distributing the pill and providing abortions, both of which are directly linked to higher incidents of cancer (even in women that don't smoke), strokes, heart attack, blood clots, serious infections such as HIV and HPV, etc.  Sometimes one cannot help but give them (SGK) money tangentially because so many products now "give" to SGK and that is bad enough.  To have an organization that is supposedly trying to find a cure for breast cancer in partnership with an organization that actively engages in actions that cause cancer risks to rise, is illogical to say the least.

Women need to be told the truth about the long term risks of these behaviors.  Perhaps this "liberation" mentality can be see for the destructive behavior that it is and be turned around.  I pray for the day that women stop being objects and are respected and taken care of like they should.  We need to make everyone aware of this widespread tragedy in the making.

Included as addendum to Ferrisi's article:

Effects of the pill

Source: thepillkills.com

• The Pill makes your blood clot. For women who have never smoked, do not have diabetes or hypertension, the Pill still doubles the risk of heart attack. Those who smoke have 12 times the risk of heart attack. NEJM 2001; 345:1787-93
• Women on the Pill have over twice the risk for stroke. JAMA July 5, 2000; 284: 72-78.
• The risk of lung blood clots is two- to three-times higher for women on the Pill. BMJ 2011;343:d6423
• Women on the Pill are more likely to develop lethal infections such as HIV and HPV. Journal of Acquired Immune Deficiency Syndrome 1999; May 1 21 (1):51-58
• There is a 320% higher risk of triple-negative breast cancer in women on the Pill, which is the most deadly form of breast cancer to treat. Cancer Epidemiol Biomarkers Prev 2009;18(4):1157-65
• Women who use the Pill for five to nine years have twice the risk of cervical cancer. Lancet 2002;Mar 30;359(9312):1085-92
• The Pill increases the risk of liver cancer in women by 50%. IARC 2007 Mo

Organic alternatives to the pill

Marquette Method
nfp.marquette.edu
Sympto-Thermal Method
ccli.org
Creighton Method
creightonmodel.com
nograph 91.

[added by me:]
The Billings Ovulation Method
http://www.thebillingsovulationmethod.org/