I don't know about the few of you who read my blog, but I'm tired of being a grown-up--the only grown up I know sometimes seems. I feel like I know too much about some people and too little about others. I have to make all the decisions, and push every one else in my life to do so. I am the only one who can pick up anything, remind everyone else to pick up anything, or remember to pick up anything. I am the one who runs all the errands, and must make all the phone calls. It seems like I am the one who has to make sure everyone eats and breathes.
Sometimes, I sit dazed at the end of the day wondering--when is my day off? When is my break? When do I get to have fun?
I have so long fought for my children's right to be kids that they can't be bothered to do chores, or pick up after themselves. Now, I'm not even taken seriously unless I'm yelling at everyone. I don't know when that happened. I've tried to tell everyone that I don't enjoy being angry, but they don't do anything I say unless I'm yelling. I hate it.
Being the grown up sucks.
I need to pray more:
"When night comes, and retrospect shows that everything was patchwork and much that one had planned left undone, when so many things rouse shame and regret, then take all as is, lay it in God's hands, and offer it up to Him. In this way we will be able to rest in Him, actually to rest and to begin the new day like a new life."
[St. Teresa Benedicta of the Cross - excerpted from Gold in the Furnace, Jean M. Heimann, copyright 2004.]
"Holy Spirit, come into my heart; draw it to Thee by Thy power, O my God, and grant me charity with filial fear. Preserve me, O ineffable Love, from every evil thought; warm me, inflame me with Thy dear love, and every pain will seem light to me. My Father, my sweet Lord, help me in all my actions. Jesus, love, Jesus, love."
[St. Catherine of Siena]